Do Not Be Deceived! This Will Fade Away!!
...those Life In Your Way lyrics (from the song "Beneath It All") have had to do some rattling around in my head and some soothing for my heart lately. the enemy's been attacking on more levels than usual, but more than that i think God's opening the doors i need to finally grow up and be the man i need to be. i've always thought myself to be mature, but there's little proof to the maturity. might be time to prove it now and over the next several months.
so i might not be coming back to DBU in the fall. and no, it won't be to stay here in New York City, though that would be tres lovely. my lack of motivation has landed me some crappy grades, and it's quite my fault, and let's just leave it at that and say there's a decent chance i won't be able to come back to my school. i don't like the thought of that, but if that's the way it goes, i know it's God working in some way.
i was talking to my dear friend/former roommate while i was walking around Central Park, and we compared how God works continually in our lives like a well-made and exciting movie, where everything (including the little, seemingly insignificant details) is necessary and builds up, making it to where what happens at a certain later point, or the climax or whatever, couldn't have gone the way it should have without all the pieces falling into place. know what i mean? i know the seasons in my life all have some purpose, even if they're hard and painful and not what i want to do/think i should be doing. that's what life's about, and people who can't accept that usually wind up as failed dreamers or bums... no offense to either, of course.
basically, i've felt down because i miss home, and the work i'm doing, while great, is hard. i feel like it's too big for me or that i'm not the guy for the job; i'm not able to complete the task. it's hard to realize that's the enemy's lies sometimes. all that coupled with the new sneak-attack of dbu trouble and all the fallout that will probably come from that, it is really easy to get discouraged.
but i'm loved. by God. by my family and friends who i miss. probably even by you, since you're likely one of the friends or family gang. i know i'll get through it and He'll be there with me all the time, but i still find some ridiculous way to be discouraged. if you were to list what was for me and what was against me, you'd think i'd be doomed since there's a bunch against me. but God is all i need for me. the rest is a fantastic blessing. i just need to remember all that more, and to lean into Him.
i've been listening to The Almost a bunch lately. it's gorgeous rock-music. they have sort of take on "Amazing Grace" called "Amazing Because It Is" that is downright goosebump-inspiring. go for it and give it a listen if such is your thing. i am blessed and thankful to be loved by such great people... and that they're fighting for me even when i couldn't care less. but i think i do care now, that i have to and that's who i have to be.
so i guess i'm wishing myself good luck. or i'm giving myself a head's-up. it'll likely be a wild ride. it's been almost 22 years of wild in some form, so what else is new? hopefully some stuff. some things need to change for things to get better. some things, however, never change, and i couldn't be more thankful for that.
~drew/the albatross might be going 'round his neck...
so i might not be coming back to DBU in the fall. and no, it won't be to stay here in New York City, though that would be tres lovely. my lack of motivation has landed me some crappy grades, and it's quite my fault, and let's just leave it at that and say there's a decent chance i won't be able to come back to my school. i don't like the thought of that, but if that's the way it goes, i know it's God working in some way.
i was talking to my dear friend/former roommate while i was walking around Central Park, and we compared how God works continually in our lives like a well-made and exciting movie, where everything (including the little, seemingly insignificant details) is necessary and builds up, making it to where what happens at a certain later point, or the climax or whatever, couldn't have gone the way it should have without all the pieces falling into place. know what i mean? i know the seasons in my life all have some purpose, even if they're hard and painful and not what i want to do/think i should be doing. that's what life's about, and people who can't accept that usually wind up as failed dreamers or bums... no offense to either, of course.
basically, i've felt down because i miss home, and the work i'm doing, while great, is hard. i feel like it's too big for me or that i'm not the guy for the job; i'm not able to complete the task. it's hard to realize that's the enemy's lies sometimes. all that coupled with the new sneak-attack of dbu trouble and all the fallout that will probably come from that, it is really easy to get discouraged.
but i'm loved. by God. by my family and friends who i miss. probably even by you, since you're likely one of the friends or family gang. i know i'll get through it and He'll be there with me all the time, but i still find some ridiculous way to be discouraged. if you were to list what was for me and what was against me, you'd think i'd be doomed since there's a bunch against me. but God is all i need for me. the rest is a fantastic blessing. i just need to remember all that more, and to lean into Him.
i've been listening to The Almost a bunch lately. it's gorgeous rock-music. they have sort of take on "Amazing Grace" called "Amazing Because It Is" that is downright goosebump-inspiring. go for it and give it a listen if such is your thing. i am blessed and thankful to be loved by such great people... and that they're fighting for me even when i couldn't care less. but i think i do care now, that i have to and that's who i have to be.
so i guess i'm wishing myself good luck. or i'm giving myself a head's-up. it'll likely be a wild ride. it's been almost 22 years of wild in some form, so what else is new? hopefully some stuff. some things need to change for things to get better. some things, however, never change, and i couldn't be more thankful for that.
~drew/the albatross might be going 'round his neck...
posted by Dirge Albatross at
3:33 PM
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