Hole In Me
...you ever get that feeling? things are going well but there's something of some considerable size that just doesn't seem to be there. the root of the problem is obvious and should be the constantly repeated mantra of my mind: go harder after God, keep pursuing Him. it's upsetting to me (i guess) that the answer to the question is that simple. i want to think around it, find a better excuse than that i need to admit more how weak i am. it's amazing the things you can find yourself bragging about: being powerless before God... can people actually make that into a selfish statement? i think it possible, which sucks.
we're really really good at taking the focus off of God. we're great at putting it on things like... golly gee, oh i don't know, ourselves!!! that, or a million other things. what we have, who we love or care about, where we were or are or someday will be, what others think of us, but realize this (yes, i'm talking both to you and myself): you're making it all about you. it's not about you/us/me! i swear!
God is the creator of everything and i'm absolutely blessed to have such a gift bestowed upon me that i get to have a relationship with this being, this loving God that sees me as His own, since His perfect son paid the price for everything i've done. think about that. everything we've done. past. present. future.
holy crap.
i guess i'm feeling kind of empty, and that i could whine and blame it on a million nitpicky little things going on right now or in the considerable future... but really i'm just being selfish. and my goal the whole time is to make it about Him instead of me... oops. i get it. i'm back up. and yes, i'm coming back home.
...i thank You for holding my hand and pointing the way every time i get lost and confused, which is unfortunately very often. You have ultimate patience and unconditional love, and i really really do want to be that. i'm giving the million little things to You, and i'll do my part to sift through the madness. i'm not scared... You are here.
...problem solved before it started. there's no hole in me. i just forgot what i was doing.
we're really really good at taking the focus off of God. we're great at putting it on things like... golly gee, oh i don't know, ourselves!!! that, or a million other things. what we have, who we love or care about, where we were or are or someday will be, what others think of us, but realize this (yes, i'm talking both to you and myself): you're making it all about you. it's not about you/us/me! i swear!
God is the creator of everything and i'm absolutely blessed to have such a gift bestowed upon me that i get to have a relationship with this being, this loving God that sees me as His own, since His perfect son paid the price for everything i've done. think about that. everything we've done. past. present. future.
holy crap.
i guess i'm feeling kind of empty, and that i could whine and blame it on a million nitpicky little things going on right now or in the considerable future... but really i'm just being selfish. and my goal the whole time is to make it about Him instead of me... oops. i get it. i'm back up. and yes, i'm coming back home.
...i thank You for holding my hand and pointing the way every time i get lost and confused, which is unfortunately very often. You have ultimate patience and unconditional love, and i really really do want to be that. i'm giving the million little things to You, and i'll do my part to sift through the madness. i'm not scared... You are here.
...problem solved before it started. there's no hole in me. i just forgot what i was doing.
posted by Dirge Albatross at
1:12 AM
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