It Never Ends

school's back in full form, already. it's just thursday and i'm swamped with stuff to do and study and everything else. no big deal, though. i might get old one day and not be able to do anything, so i appreciate the rush a little bit. speaking of getting old... i sometimes feel like i am. but then... there's other times... when i don't feel that way at all... that i'm still "too young" even though, oh yes, i feel old. does that make sense?

...maybe it'll be sorted out when i turn 21 this summer.

at freakin' cornerstone music festival. cannot wait. at all. well, i can. but it'll be great. i really wanted to see norma jean, chariot, alol, and handshake murders, but i'm a youth minister. responsibility on my part shocks even me, people.

let's see: family. i'm a little worried about my family these days, but really... that's bound to happen. i care about them. i love my whole big family: secondaries included (and truly second to none), there you have it.

i like dbu. i like my roommates, present and future (and past?). i like living in the stinky dorms. i like learning stuff about really old stuff. i like growing up. i like listening to all sorts of crazy kid music to clear my head and just rock out. i like mega-sick road trips with my dad. i like i like i like...

i don't like plenty of things... but we can work on all that crap.

anyways, i have a greek test to study for. there's little hope of me passing it. well let's not say that. i just need to try... really really really hard. let's get to work on that. get some.

O Haste The Day

it seems, old friend, that it's spring break. you ask for my thoughts on this? i will indeed respond:

"kick ass."

i am pretty ready for this one, and already it smacks much more of "maturity" than previous breaks have. my part in planning the annual road trip has been a lot bigger this time, mom and dad have been gone giving me some responsibility even though i don't really go home, etc etc. i went and saw 300 with some of the loves, and boy howdy. it was fantastic. epic and artistic, it... no no, just go see it. remember kids, it's rated r, though. be ready? anyway...

...the music i listen to, lots of it has been switched around lately. lots more indie/electronic/dancey stuff than the usual grinding, chugging, guttural screaming and psycho riffs that usually dominate the playlist. but don't worry, cats, it's all still around. woo woo. so go listen to some music that you love regardless of what "style" it is or what anybody says about them.

~the albatross is all friends/family... FOREVER.

Hole In Me

...you ever get that feeling? things are going well but there's something of some considerable size that just doesn't seem to be there. the root of the problem is obvious and should be the constantly repeated mantra of my mind: go harder after God, keep pursuing Him. it's upsetting to me (i guess) that the answer to the question is that simple. i want to think around it, find a better excuse than that i need to admit more how weak i am. it's amazing the things you can find yourself bragging about: being powerless before God... can people actually make that into a selfish statement? i think it possible, which sucks.

we're really really good at taking the focus off of God. we're great at putting it on things like... golly gee, oh i don't know, ourselves!!! that, or a million other things. what we have, who we love or care about, where we were or are or someday will be, what others think of us, but realize this (yes, i'm talking both to you and myself): you're making it all about you. it's not about you/us/me! i swear!

God is the creator of everything and i'm absolutely blessed to have such a gift bestowed upon me that i get to have a relationship with this being, this loving God that sees me as His own, since His perfect son paid the price for everything i've done. think about that. everything we've done. past. present. future.

holy crap.

i guess i'm feeling kind of empty, and that i could whine and blame it on a million nitpicky little things going on right now or in the considerable future... but really i'm just being selfish. and my goal the whole time is to make it about Him instead of me... oops. i get it. i'm back up. and yes, i'm coming back home.

...i thank You for holding my hand and pointing the way every time i get lost and confused, which is unfortunately very often. You have ultimate patience and unconditional love, and i really really do want to be that. i'm giving the million little things to You, and i'll do my part to sift through the madness. i'm not scared... You are here.

...problem solved before it started. there's no hole in me. i just forgot what i was doing.